Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
