he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he puts the penis in happiness.
handjob tips. give me some.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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