My room smells like vodka and shame
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
