He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
handjob tips. give me some.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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