I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
