I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
