there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
