Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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