....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
