I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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