I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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