Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
