Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
