Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
