Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
