no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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