I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Dear god my vagina.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
