youre lurking in front of me
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
