areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
