we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
