Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
