Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
