she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
