If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
