dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
