well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
