I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
