Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
