I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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