She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
