Is it normal to miss your booty call?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
