something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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