And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
