i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
