So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
