Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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