You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
