Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
