Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
