whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
