she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
