sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
