Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
