on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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