It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
