weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
