I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
What a dumb baby whore.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
