So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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