At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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