I wish I only lived at night.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
